Transitioning into senior living, or the unfortunate loss of a loved one is never easy. Important decisions need to be made, adhering to timelines, and adjusting to life changes without that person around can be a challenge all on its own. As time goes on, the most overlooked detail is managing what to do with an estate filled with filled with belongings that need to be addressed. It's completely normal to feel overwhelmed but remember, you are not alone in this journey.
This brings us to the list we have compiled of a few tips from our experience both personally and professionally, that are sure to help you along the way and effectively tackle the project of sorting through estates.
Before Getting Started
Give yourself some time and prepare mentally
Taking the time to reminisce and allowing yourself to grieve is essential. Set aside harsh deadlines and remember to focus on enjoying the meaningful aspects of this journey. Whether you choose to go through belongings alone or with others, this process can be uplifting and bring a sense of lightheartedness during a difficult time.
Gather necessary loved ones
Sorting through a loved one's belongings is often best done as a family affair. To get this process started focus on identifying what items are important and hold significant memories, rather than those intended for decoration in a new space. Establishing some ground rules for selecting items can help ensure fairness, allowing everyone to have an equal opportunity to keep what is most meaningful to them.
Expert Tip: Find or purchase storage bins for storing and packing what you want to keep and set up corners for each person so they can have space to themselves.
During the Process
Keep what brings you joy and bright memories
When sorting through the items of a loved one, it can become difficult to determine which items are most meaningful as most items have memories attached. So how do you prevent keeping too much?
It is important to find the items that bring you the happiest memories. In the popular Netflix show, ‘Tidying up with Marie Kondo’, Marie explains the best way to identify these items is by taking each item in one’s hand and asking: “Does this spark joy?” If it does, keep it. If not, put it back. Sit with each item for a minute and remember what it makes you think of. The more you do this, the easier it will become to identify the items that bring the most joyful memories of your loved one. Once you have decided to keep an item, place it in an empty bin for transport or storage.
“No matter how wonderful things used to be, we cannot live in the past. The joy and excitement we feel here and now are more important.” – Marie Kondō, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing
Expert Tip: Take photos! Some items may be too bulky or difficult to keep but still hold strong memories. When this is the case we suggest taking a photo of the item so you have a visual representation despite needing to physically part with the item.
Alternatively, if a photo isn't sufficient, consider a creative solution. For instance, one of our clients wanted to keep a drum set, but its size made it impractical. We recommended preserving a drumstick and a cymbal, which could be elegantly displayed in a shadow box.
Keep in mind that someone else can handle the leftovers
When choosing what to keep, try not to be overwhelmed by what is being left behind. By keeping in mind that anything you don’t want to keep can be handled by a professional, it can help bring the focus back to you and what you find important.
Still, Finding It Difficult?
You’re not alone! Many people feel the same way and explain it here:
A study from the Yale School of Medicine found that “for many, letting go is literally painful” —meaning that for some of us, parts of our brain associated with physical pain are triggered when trying to part with certain items.
According to Julie Holland, M.D., an assistant clinical professor of psychiatry at New York University School of Medicine, “Sentimental clutter is the adult equivalent of a teddy bear.” – We all know what this feels like!
Jennifer Baumgartner, Psy.D., notes that nostalgia can make clearing out a space nearly impossible. She goes on to state that, “we often infuse our junk with the spirit of a moment in time, associating the tangible with the intangible. Our junk becomes the object upon which we project our internal experience.”
Hitting a Road Block
If you’re hitting a roadblock, try these next few tips to help get you to the finish line:
Try sorting some of your own items first
Your own items will not hold as much emotional weight as the items of a loved one. By taking time to sort through some of your own items you can get used to the sorting process and carry that same technique onto the items of your loved one.
Visit the home/space/items more than once
Sitting and sorting for long periods can be tiresome work. Know when you have reached your limit and if you are unsure about a particular item or have a large amount of items to sort through, give yourself many sorting sessions. Ensuring you have more time to make decisions. Give yourself a deadline but know that you have that allotted time with the items. A second look can help purge more or ensure a sentimental item is not missed.
Consider a creative approach
Oftentimes the items we choose to keep from a loved one can be placed in a box and rarely visited. To prevent this, thinking of a creative way to display the most cherished items can be therapeutic. Consider a shadow box, a collage of photos, a small memory box or a scrapbook.
We hope these tips can help guide you through the sorting of a loved one's belongings. It can be a difficult task that many of us have experienced. If you have any tips to share, we would love to know what aided you through your process.
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